Lenny from Indy

On January 7, 2009, the Cleveland Browns hired former New York Jets coach Eric Mangini to be the head coach and pull this desolate team that is in the same division as the Pittsburgh Steelers and Baltimore Ravens out of a six foot pit they placed themselves in around 1999 when they drafted Tim Couch as quarterback.

Understand this Browns fans, this guy is not a miracle worker.  I compare him to Darth Vader in the Star Wars movies.  Before he became “Lord Vader”, Eric Mangini was Anakin Skywalker.  Anakin was a fun loving guy with potential that was off the scale.  His Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Jedi knight that was going to teach him the ways of the Force (coaching) was a guy name Bill Belichick.  Now Bill we know is a bit of a curmudgeon himself, but his talent level is pretty undeniable.  Bill was teaching Eric the ways of the force and Eric was seduced by the dark side of the Force.  In this case we’ll call the dark side the New York Jets.  This was a mismatch from the start.  The Jets wanted different results from a guy whose name wasn’t Herm Edwards, former Jets coach.  Enter Mangini who essentially was in the right place at the right time with the stars and planets aligned.  The Patriots coaching staff were red hot due to the Patriots Super Bowl Run earlier in the last decade.  We’ve seen guys like Romeo Crennel (who Mangini replaced in Cleveland), Charlie Weis, and Josh McDaniels all get poached away from masshole land (The greater New England area) to various coaching jobs in the NFL and college football with to this point failure as the final result.

Back on topic… Eric had a great first year with the Jets with Herm’s roster and playbook and guided the Jets to a wild card playoff loss in 2006.  Then he had time to embrace the dark side of the force, tinker, ruin, and destroy the Jets in his own special way.  They went 4-12 and 9-7.  No playoffs.  Eric was fired.

What’s crazy here is that 9 days after his firing, the Cleveland Browns hire him after they fired former Bill Belichick coach Romeo Crennel.

Are the Browns organization stupid?  Wait don’t answer that… there’s more to the story.

Eric entered this job with a much different atittude than he did when the Jets hired him.  He ran off what little talent they had and scorched the earth in Cleveland.  The simple people of Cleveland freaked.  Mainly because Lebron James can’t play two pro sports, but I digress… Eric did get one thing right.  He inherited a team that has had I believe one winning season since they re-entered the NFL in 1999.  This team is already buried 6 feet under with bad attitudes and the few people who are considered “top talent” on this team more than likely believe when they poo there is no way it can stink next to some of the open mouth breathers that they have as teammates.  Eric cleaned house, kept the ones who believed in the “we” and not the “I” and started over.  During his first draft, Eric kept trading down picks and stocked up on defensive players.  Interesting move to make when the draft wasn’t considered deep with skill players.

End result.  Major suckage.  They won one of their first twelve games.  Not fun for Browns fans.  More of the same they said out loud and then wore dog masks, as only morons do.

In fact two guys, season ticket holders demanded a meeting with the owner of the Browns to see what he was going to do to fix the situation.  Mind you, a situation that has been going on since 1999 but hey, Mangini is the face of the team so lets throw him under the bus for 9 years of failure before he even took the gig.  Sad part is that Cleveland Browns Owner Randy Lerner took the meeting and took it seriously.  What should of happened is a public flogging of these dumbells.  Meeting… Could you Imagine what this conversation could have been like??????????????

Moron season ticket holder #1:  Why can’t we be like the Steelers?

Randy Lerner:  Don’t you smell sadness?  That means we live in Cleveland son…

Moron season ticket holder #2:  I wear this dog mask all week long.

Randy Lerner:  Feet smell nice after washing with raspberry soap.

Moron season ticket holder #1:  I want the Browns to win the Super Bowl.

Randy Lerner:  One day we will.

Moron season ticket holder #2: When?

Randy Lerner:  When we blow up Pittsburgh son.  Thanks for your donation.  I own a NFL franchise.

Maybe it went like that and maybe it didn’t go like that.  I wasn’t there but that is about the dumbest thing I have ever heard.  Cleveland sucks.

People of Cleveland.  Randy has better things to do with his time that to hear your whining.

Back to Eric Mangini… He had done something that no other coach for Cleveland as done since re-entering the league in 1999.  They went on a 4 game win streak to close out the season.  They ended up 5- 11.  So a glimmer of hope in an otherwise forgettable season.  A four game win streak  First one in 10 years.  F U Browns fans.

So Anakin Skywalker (Mangini) needs his Emperor to begin his reign of terror.

ENTER THE WALRUS!

Former Green Bay Packers Super Bowl winning coach / Former Seattle Seahawks Super Bowl losing coach Mike Holmgren was hired to be the President and was given authority over the team’s football operations. This hire was made after Browns owner Randy Lerner announced that he wished to bring in a “serious, credible leader” to steer the team in the right direction. After public speculation (morons in Cleveland and the drizzle knobs in the media outright lying to themselves by fabricating that Holmgren and Mangini would not be able to co-exist, Holmgren stuck his Presidential foot in the ass of every citizen of Cleveland by announcing that Mangini stay and the entire coaching staff stays for the 2010 season.  Suck it dill weeds!  Then, Holmgren hired former Philadelphia Eagles general manager Tom Heckert to become the new general manager for the Browns.  That moved probably screwed Philadelphia long term but who cares, it’s Philadelphia.

On to the present day… I get the feeling that Cleveland is going to have to lean on Mangini’s past moves and hope players develop like he thinks they will.  Going into this season, the Browns have Brady Quinn, Brett Ratliff, and Seneca Wallace as quarterbacks.  If you fuse these guys together you more than likely won’t equal Jason Campbell of the Washington Redskins.  That’s a huge issue.

You have Joshua Cribs at wide receiver, Joe Thomas at tackle, maybe a defense Mangini put together last  season that look like it jelled at the end of the season.  You need help pretty much everywhere.  Consider this a rebuilding season.  At best… 6 wins… Maybe 7.

If the Cleveland Browns were a girl, she would look like this…

We’re just never going to know…

If the Giants 17-14 victory in the Super Bowl two years ago closed the coffin door on the cheating dynasty for the Patriots, what happened on Sunday put the final nails in the coffin.  24 to 7 by the second quarter, the Ravens shut down the Patriots at every turn.  This game was a bore, yet I watched every second.

Final score 33-14.  Happiness ensues!

Pats out and the Ravens come to Indianapolis on Saturday for what will be an incredible game.

The Colts continue to roll.  Today was the suddenly surging Titans.  We all know the Titans story at this point.  13-3 last year, this year they started 0-6.  Kerry Collins gets benched and Vince Young returns!  They Titans go on to win the next 5 games.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…  The Titans are a really good team.  They are a hell of a lot better than the 5-6 record going into today’s game.  We know this.  We get it.  However, today they were to meet division foes, the Indianapolis Colts!

Now I wasn’t there to here him say anything, but Peyton seemed to have a wild look in his eye when he took to the field.  You knew he was thinking of a particular type of beat down he wanted to hand the Titans today.

This wild eyed look does not bode well for the Titans when Peyton is ready to spank a team.

Joseph Addai understood the message and ran for 79 yards on 21 attempts.  he scored 2 touchdowns.  Here is Joseph posing after touchdown number one in the end zone.

Joseph looks like he on a new weight training program.  Looking good Joe!

At this point, the Titans realized that winning this game was futile.  They simply lined up for a spanking.  They presented bum…

When Titans bum presented itself, the Colts obliged and placed the Titans in the position.

At one point in the second quarter it looked like the Titans were starting to enjoy the beating they were taking.  Spanking then commenced.

This looks painful.  Then the Colts defense stopped the mighty Lendale White at the goal line.

Lendale looks like he is enjoying this.  You know not to digress from this riveting game, but I drafted Lendale in the second round of my fantasy league.  Talk about a bust this year.  I had to drop him in week 5.  Anyway, no one cares about my fantasy team.  Back to the game!

Mercilessly the half ended and the Colts up 24-10.  Game plan for the second half was pretty simple.  Run the ball and let the defense do what it does best, shut it down.

Scoring-wise it was pretty uneventful.  What was great to see was the Colts defense looking playoff ready.  This makes Coach Caldwell very happy.  Check out the look on his face during the second half.

He is positively giddy with how great this defense has been playing.

The Colts defeated the Titans 27-17.

After the game, the Colts went to a local club to do some dancing to celebrate the win.  They look really happy.

Poor Jeff Fisher stayed in his hotel room wondering what it was like to feel like a winner…

Next week the Colts take on the Denver Broncos which should prove to be a better game than this one.

Our beloved Colts had a wild one in Houston yesterday as they suited up to play the Texans.  Both teams had a lot to play for yesterday.  If the Colts win, it would mean they wrap up the AFC South!  A win for the douche baggy Texans would mean they stay in the hunt for a wild card berth as they make a push for the playoffs.

Quarterback Matt Schaub in any other division would be a feared opponent.  In the AFC South however, he sits at the altar of Manning and asks the same question he has asked since 2007, “Why him and not me?”  Matt has played games against the Colts and has gotten the Texans close to winning but, they never never finish for the win.  It has to be frustrating for Matt.  Check out this picture of Matt before the game started…

Look at the intensity on Matt’s face.  On Sunday, Matt will not be denied!  Matt has one of the more feared offensive lines in all of football. Here is the Texans front O line before the game…

The Colts defense most definitely has it’s work cut out for them.  Look at these men!

Jeff Saturday, the coolest center in the business looked relaxed and ready to go…

My goodness…I love Jeff Saturday!

Peyton Manning had a rough first half as he threw for 2 interceptions…

Peyton looked a bit frazzled in the first half.  With that being said look at how hot Peyton is looking these days.  He must of changed conditioner or something.  Man I wanna hook up with him… Wait… What?

I digress…  At the half the Texans were up 20 to 7.  Now for most teams in the league this game is over.  Hell if this was Eli… nuff said.

Halftime for both teams was fraught with adjustments.  Check out Houston during the half in the locker room….

Look at these guys.  Laughing telling jokes.  Acting like this game is over.  Now in the Colts locker room…

Look at them.  All huddled around and going over plays for the second half.  The attention to detail is amazing by the Colts.  My my they are so hot… Anyhoooooo…. The Colts went marching onto the field and sang a different tune…

So bubbly after a 20 minute break.

Peyton passed a 4 yard pass to Reggie Wayne to close the gap 20-14…

Reggie Wayne showing the ref than he indeed caught the football.

Then in the forth quarter, like they have done 5 times this season, the Colts mounted a comeback that will be remember for at least 12 hours.

Manning to Dallas Clark….

LOOK AT DALLAS RUN INTO THE END ZONE!  I LOVE HIM!

Matt Schaub took to the field but any attempt at answering was thwarted by the bend but don’t break Colts defense….

Clint Session intercepts Matt Schaub!!!!!  Amazing!!!!

Even Chad Simpson got in on the forth quarter scoring with a 35 yard touchdown run!  Really…. Chad Simpson…. I know… I forgot he was on the roster as well!

Chad Simpson fixing his hair after spiking the football in the fourth quarter.

A sad sight after the Chad Simpson touchdown.  The Texans were on the field looking beaten, broken and scarred…

Another quick Texans start but not enough in the tank to finish.  A great game as the Colts beat the Texans 35 to 27.

Later that night….

The Colts dressed up as Princess Leia in the slave girl outfit from Return of the jedi and had a pillow fight in Peyton’s room to celebrate clinching the AFC South and the teams 11-0 perfect record.

And Houston Texans coach Gary Kubiak was in the same hotel.  Only he was in the hotel bar wondering what the hell happened to his 17-0 lead.

The END!

Talk about the battle of who cares less.  A mediocre Ohio State team is going to play a horrible Michigan team.  Do you remember a few years back when this was the battle of the number one and two teams in the country?

If you are even remotely interested in this game you fall under one of these categories:

#1)  You had the displeasure of being recruited by one of these colleges.  You have to play.

#2) You are one of those die hard Michigan fans who brag that they are the “winningest football of programs of all time”.  You are ignoring the fact that you had a 60 year head start on 95% of the teams playing today.  You have little in life that brings you joy.  You should look into finding multiple hobbies.

#3) You are on the coaching staff.  See #1’s reason.

#4) You are a Ohio State fan.  Let’s face it, you have very little going in this mortal coil outside rooting for this below average football team.  You also know that Michigan BLOWS HUGE HEARTY CHUNKS under Rich “Big Balls Rod” Rodriguez.  You smell blood in the water and could care less that in 3 years time your team as well could become the national embarrassment that Michigan is right now.

#5) You are related in some way to one of the kids playing in this game.  You have to watch.

#6) You work for a media company that is forcing you to cover this game.  That sucks for you but at least you are getting paid for your attendance to this Pop Warner level football game.

#7) You are a bookie in Vegas and you had the task of trying to figure out a line that would make you the most money.

#8) You are a member of the Dead Schembechlers.  A spectacular band that takes punked up R.E.M.-ish sounding songs and writes Michigan hate songs.  Oddly enough, if you fall under this reason why you are watching this game, you are having the best time during this debacle of a game.

#9) You are a proud member of these once “beloved” schools.  You call one of these two hell holes your alma mater.  You get to spend the afternoon talking about the old days.

#10) You are Sarah Santarelli, Cheerleader for Ohio State.  I looked online and saw both squads.  Sarah is hands down the hottest cheerleader of the two squads.  She’s a senior and her major is nursing.  Sarah… Email me… lenny (at) wnde.com.  Let’s go to Steak n’ Shake for dinner!

If this game goes like we all think it should, Michigan doesn’t stand a chance.  Ohio State wins this game.

If I’m wrong, I’ll check in later.  If not, I’ll have more stuff up tomorrow.

This is what the Colts did to the Rams yesterday.

Pretend that Santa Claus in this clip is the Colts. The kid getting pounded by the tree will play the part of the Rams.

If you didn’t understand the last clip here is a less violent way to view the Colts @ Rams yesterday.

Christina Applegate (Blonde girl) will play the part of the Colts.  Tia Carrere (dark hair) will play the part of the Rams.

Not getting it yet?  Ok, one more example.  Jessica Alba (dark hair) is the Colts.  The blonde hussy will be the Rams.

Rams, you are on the clock.