On January 7, 2009, the Cleveland Browns hired former New York Jets coach Eric Mangini to be the head coach and pull this desolate team that is in the same division as the Pittsburgh Steelers and Baltimore Ravens out of a six foot pit they placed themselves in around 1999 when they drafted Tim Couch as quarterback.
Understand this Browns fans, this guy is not a miracle worker. I compare him to Darth Vader in the Star Wars movies. Before he became “Lord Vader”, Eric Mangini was Anakin Skywalker. Anakin was a fun loving guy with potential that was off the scale. His Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Jedi knight that was going to teach him the ways of the Force (coaching) was a guy name Bill Belichick. Now Bill we know is a bit of a curmudgeon himself, but his talent level is pretty undeniable. Bill was teaching Eric the ways of the force and Eric was seduced by the dark side of the Force. In this case we’ll call the dark side the New York Jets. This was a mismatch from the start. The Jets wanted different results from a guy whose name wasn’t Herm Edwards, former Jets coach. Enter Mangini who essentially was in the right place at the right time with the stars and planets aligned. The Patriots coaching staff were red hot due to the Patriots Super Bowl Run earlier in the last decade. We’ve seen guys like Romeo Crennel (who Mangini replaced in Cleveland), Charlie Weis, and Josh McDaniels all get poached away from masshole land (The greater New England area) to various coaching jobs in the NFL and college football with to this point failure as the final result.
Back on topic… Eric had a great first year with the Jets with Herm’s roster and playbook and guided the Jets to a wild card playoff loss in 2006. Then he had time to embrace the dark side of the force, tinker, ruin, and destroy the Jets in his own special way. They went 4-12 and 9-7. No playoffs. Eric was fired.
What’s crazy here is that 9 days after his firing, the Cleveland Browns hire him after they fired former Bill Belichick coach Romeo Crennel.
Are the Browns organization stupid? Wait don’t answer that… there’s more to the story.
Eric entered this job with a much different atittude than he did when the Jets hired him. He ran off what little talent they had and scorched the earth in Cleveland. The simple people of Cleveland freaked. Mainly because Lebron James can’t play two pro sports, but I digress… Eric did get one thing right. He inherited a team that has had I believe one winning season since they re-entered the NFL in 1999. This team is already buried 6 feet under with bad attitudes and the few people who are considered “top talent” on this team more than likely believe when they poo there is no way it can stink next to some of the open mouth breathers that they have as teammates. Eric cleaned house, kept the ones who believed in the “we” and not the “I” and started over. During his first draft, Eric kept trading down picks and stocked up on defensive players. Interesting move to make when the draft wasn’t considered deep with skill players.
End result. Major suckage. They won one of their first twelve games. Not fun for Browns fans. More of the same they said out loud and then wore dog masks, as only morons do.
In fact two guys, season ticket holders demanded a meeting with the owner of the Browns to see what he was going to do to fix the situation. Mind you, a situation that has been going on since 1999 but hey, Mangini is the face of the team so lets throw him under the bus for 9 years of failure before he even took the gig. Sad part is that Cleveland Browns Owner Randy Lerner took the meeting and took it seriously. What should of happened is a public flogging of these dumbells. Meeting… Could you Imagine what this conversation could have been like??????????????
Moron season ticket holder #1: Why can’t we be like the Steelers?
Randy Lerner: Don’t you smell sadness? That means we live in Cleveland son…
Moron season ticket holder #2: I wear this dog mask all week long.
Randy Lerner: Feet smell nice after washing with raspberry soap.
Moron season ticket holder #1: I want the Browns to win the Super Bowl.
Randy Lerner: One day we will.
Moron season ticket holder #2: When?
Randy Lerner: When we blow up Pittsburgh son. Thanks for your donation. I own a NFL franchise.
Maybe it went like that and maybe it didn’t go like that. I wasn’t there but that is about the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Cleveland sucks.
People of Cleveland. Randy has better things to do with his time that to hear your whining.
Back to Eric Mangini… He had done something that no other coach for Cleveland as done since re-entering the league in 1999. They went on a 4 game win streak to close out the season. They ended up 5- 11. So a glimmer of hope in an otherwise forgettable season. A four game win streak First one in 10 years. F U Browns fans.
So Anakin Skywalker (Mangini) needs his Emperor to begin his reign of terror.
ENTER THE WALRUS!
Former Green Bay Packers Super Bowl winning coach / Former Seattle Seahawks Super Bowl losing coach Mike Holmgren was hired to be the President and was given authority over the team’s football operations. This hire was made after Browns owner Randy Lerner announced that he wished to bring in a “serious, credible leader” to steer the team in the right direction. After public speculation (morons in Cleveland and the drizzle knobs in the media outright lying to themselves by fabricating that Holmgren and Mangini would not be able to co-exist, Holmgren stuck his Presidential foot in the ass of every citizen of Cleveland by announcing that Mangini stay and the entire coaching staff stays for the 2010 season. Suck it dill weeds! Then, Holmgren hired former Philadelphia Eagles general manager Tom Heckert to become the new general manager for the Browns. That moved probably screwed Philadelphia long term but who cares, it’s Philadelphia.
On to the present day… I get the feeling that Cleveland is going to have to lean on Mangini’s past moves and hope players develop like he thinks they will. Going into this season, the Browns have Brady Quinn, Brett Ratliff, and Seneca Wallace as quarterbacks. If you fuse these guys together you more than likely won’t equal Jason Campbell of the Washington Redskins. That’s a huge issue.
You have Joshua Cribs at wide receiver, Joe Thomas at tackle, maybe a defense Mangini put together last season that look like it jelled at the end of the season. You need help pretty much everywhere. Consider this a rebuilding season. At best… 6 wins… Maybe 7.
If the Cleveland Browns were a girl, she would look like this…
We’re just never going to know if they are hot…
