Lenny from Indy

On January 7, 2009, the Cleveland Browns hired former New York Jets coach Eric Mangini to be the head coach and pull this desolate team that is in the same division as the Pittsburgh Steelers and Baltimore Ravens out of a six foot pit they placed themselves in around 1999 when they drafted Tim Couch as quarterback.

Understand this Browns fans, this guy is not a miracle worker.  I compare him to Darth Vader in the Star Wars movies.  Before he became “Lord Vader”, Eric Mangini was Anakin Skywalker.  Anakin was a fun loving guy with potential that was off the scale.  His Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Jedi knight that was going to teach him the ways of the Force (coaching) was a guy name Bill Belichick.  Now Bill we know is a bit of a curmudgeon himself, but his talent level is pretty undeniable.  Bill was teaching Eric the ways of the force and Eric was seduced by the dark side of the Force.  In this case we’ll call the dark side the New York Jets.  This was a mismatch from the start.  The Jets wanted different results from a guy whose name wasn’t Herm Edwards, former Jets coach.  Enter Mangini who essentially was in the right place at the right time with the stars and planets aligned.  The Patriots coaching staff were red hot due to the Patriots Super Bowl Run earlier in the last decade.  We’ve seen guys like Romeo Crennel (who Mangini replaced in Cleveland), Charlie Weis, and Josh McDaniels all get poached away from masshole land (The greater New England area) to various coaching jobs in the NFL and college football with to this point failure as the final result.

Back on topic… Eric had a great first year with the Jets with Herm’s roster and playbook and guided the Jets to a wild card playoff loss in 2006.  Then he had time to embrace the dark side of the force, tinker, ruin, and destroy the Jets in his own special way.  They went 4-12 and 9-7.  No playoffs.  Eric was fired.

What’s crazy here is that 9 days after his firing, the Cleveland Browns hire him after they fired former Bill Belichick coach Romeo Crennel.

Are the Browns organization stupid?  Wait don’t answer that… there’s more to the story.

Eric entered this job with a much different atittude than he did when the Jets hired him.  He ran off what little talent they had and scorched the earth in Cleveland.  The simple people of Cleveland freaked.  Mainly because Lebron James can’t play two pro sports, but I digress… Eric did get one thing right.  He inherited a team that has had I believe one winning season since they re-entered the NFL in 1999.  This team is already buried 6 feet under with bad attitudes and the few people who are considered “top talent” on this team more than likely believe when they poo there is no way it can stink next to some of the open mouth breathers that they have as teammates.  Eric cleaned house, kept the ones who believed in the “we” and not the “I” and started over.  During his first draft, Eric kept trading down picks and stocked up on defensive players.  Interesting move to make when the draft wasn’t considered deep with skill players.

End result.  Major suckage.  They won one of their first twelve games.  Not fun for Browns fans.  More of the same they said out loud and then wore dog masks, as only morons do.

In fact two guys, season ticket holders demanded a meeting with the owner of the Browns to see what he was going to do to fix the situation.  Mind you, a situation that has been going on since 1999 but hey, Mangini is the face of the team so lets throw him under the bus for 9 years of failure before he even took the gig.  Sad part is that Cleveland Browns Owner Randy Lerner took the meeting and took it seriously.  What should of happened is a public flogging of these dumbells.  Meeting… Could you Imagine what this conversation could have been like??????????????

Moron season ticket holder #1:  Why can’t we be like the Steelers?

Randy Lerner:  Don’t you smell sadness?  That means we live in Cleveland son…

Moron season ticket holder #2:  I wear this dog mask all week long.

Randy Lerner:  Feet smell nice after washing with raspberry soap.

Moron season ticket holder #1:  I want the Browns to win the Super Bowl.

Randy Lerner:  One day we will.

Moron season ticket holder #2: When?

Randy Lerner:  When we blow up Pittsburgh son.  Thanks for your donation.  I own a NFL franchise.

Maybe it went like that and maybe it didn’t go like that.  I wasn’t there but that is about the dumbest thing I have ever heard.  Cleveland sucks.

People of Cleveland.  Randy has better things to do with his time that to hear your whining.

Back to Eric Mangini… He had done something that no other coach for Cleveland as done since re-entering the league in 1999.  They went on a 4 game win streak to close out the season.  They ended up 5- 11.  So a glimmer of hope in an otherwise forgettable season.  A four game win streak  First one in 10 years.  F U Browns fans.

So Anakin Skywalker (Mangini) needs his Emperor to begin his reign of terror.

ENTER THE WALRUS!

Former Green Bay Packers Super Bowl winning coach / Former Seattle Seahawks Super Bowl losing coach Mike Holmgren was hired to be the President and was given authority over the team’s football operations. This hire was made after Browns owner Randy Lerner announced that he wished to bring in a “serious, credible leader” to steer the team in the right direction. After public speculation (morons in Cleveland and the drizzle knobs in the media outright lying to themselves by fabricating that Holmgren and Mangini would not be able to co-exist, Holmgren stuck his Presidential foot in the ass of every citizen of Cleveland by announcing that Mangini stay and the entire coaching staff stays for the 2010 season.  Suck it dill weeds!  Then, Holmgren hired former Philadelphia Eagles general manager Tom Heckert to become the new general manager for the Browns.  That moved probably screwed Philadelphia long term but who cares, it’s Philadelphia.

On to the present day… I get the feeling that Cleveland is going to have to lean on Mangini’s past moves and hope players develop like he thinks they will.  Going into this season, the Browns have Brady Quinn, Brett Ratliff, and Seneca Wallace as quarterbacks.  If you fuse these guys together you more than likely won’t equal Jason Campbell of the Washington Redskins.  That’s a huge issue.

You have Joshua Cribs at wide receiver, Joe Thomas at tackle, maybe a defense Mangini put together last  season that look like it jelled at the end of the season.  You need help pretty much everywhere.  Consider this a rebuilding season.  At best… 6 wins… Maybe 7.

If the Cleveland Browns were a girl, she would look like this…

We’re just never going to know if they are hot…

Stop bitching.  The first string Colts played for 2 quarters and change, and only put up 15 points.  It’s not like they never saw the field.  They had time to play.

Would you rather change places with the fans of these teams?

1. St. Louis Rams – 60 more minutes and they have the first drat pick.

2. Washington Redskins – All the money spend on all of those players and  they sit at the bottom of the NFC East.

3. Chicago Bears – The interception riddled QB with no one to throw the ball to?

4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – The sharp decline this team has felt since 2002 is comical.

5. Buffalo Bills – Been a joke since the music  city miracle.

6. New York Giants – Just played themselves out of the playoffs.

7. Seattle  Seahawks – Mora Jr is the coach.  We’ve seen that movie here with Mora Senior.

8. Cleveland Browns – Nothing good comes from or out of Cleveland.

9. Oakland Raiders – Commitment to Excellence.  Just Win Baby. Buzz phrases + bad drafting = failure.

10. Detroit Lions – Fail. Abort. Restart. Repeating that cycle since 1997.

The Colts are first place in the AFC South, number 1 seed in the AFC, and the road to the Super Bowl comes through Indy.  Take a breath you spoiled brats.

Talk about the battle of who cares less.  A mediocre Ohio State team is going to play a horrible Michigan team.  Do you remember a few years back when this was the battle of the number one and two teams in the country?

If you are even remotely interested in this game you fall under one of these categories:

#1)  You had the displeasure of being recruited by one of these colleges.  You have to play.

#2) You are one of those die hard Michigan fans who brag that they are the “winningest football of programs of all time”.  You are ignoring the fact that you had a 60 year head start on 95% of the teams playing today.  You have little in life that brings you joy.  You should look into finding multiple hobbies.

#3) You are on the coaching staff.  See #1’s reason.

#4) You are a Ohio State fan.  Let’s face it, you have very little going in this mortal coil outside rooting for this below average football team.  You also know that Michigan BLOWS HUGE HEARTY CHUNKS under Rich “Big Balls Rod” Rodriguez.  You smell blood in the water and could care less that in 3 years time your team as well could become the national embarrassment that Michigan is right now.

#5) You are related in some way to one of the kids playing in this game.  You have to watch.

#6) You work for a media company that is forcing you to cover this game.  That sucks for you but at least you are getting paid for your attendance to this Pop Warner level football game.

#7) You are a bookie in Vegas and you had the task of trying to figure out a line that would make you the most money.

#8) You are a member of the Dead Schembechlers.  A spectacular band that takes punked up R.E.M.-ish sounding songs and writes Michigan hate songs.  Oddly enough, if you fall under this reason why you are watching this game, you are having the best time during this debacle of a game.

#9) You are a proud member of these once “beloved” schools.  You call one of these two hell holes your alma mater.  You get to spend the afternoon talking about the old days.

#10) You are Sarah Santarelli, Cheerleader for Ohio State.  I looked online and saw both squads.  Sarah is hands down the hottest cheerleader of the two squads.  She’s a senior and her major is nursing.  Sarah… Email me… lenny (at) wnde.com.  Let’s go to Steak n’ Shake for dinner!

If this game goes like we all think it should, Michigan doesn’t stand a chance.  Ohio State wins this game.

If I’m wrong, I’ll check in later.  If not, I’ll have more stuff up tomorrow.

Congrats to the Northwestern Wildcats for handing the mighty Iowa Hawkeyes a loss today. It was the Hawkeyes first loss of the season. I’m sure Dallas Clark and Bob Sanders are sad that the team that they played for took a loss to the scrappy Wildcats today.

This news is easier to take today because Purdue beat Michigan in Michigan’s stadium, the Big House. Funny part is at one point in the game Michigan had a 24-10 lead. Bwahahahahahaha!!!!! Kudos Purdue!!!

Dear Michigan Wolverines nation,

This does not seem like rebuilding when you lose to Illinois 38-13.  I’m pretty sure at this point you jack offs wished that that Les Miles rumor a few years ago was true.  You know, the one where he was going to be your coach.  But, allegedly he was stiff armed by Lloyd Carr.

***On a side note, everyone when they get a chance, check out any Michigan Wolverines message board.  Everyone is an expert and has someone they know who is in on what happens in the inner circle of the team.  It’s comedy gold!***

Instead you open mouth breathing morons have, Rich “Big Balls Rod” Rodriguez.

Today was the worst loss of the last 40 years.  I’m saying a lot with that statement.  The Wolverines have been schooled by Ohio State many, many, many, many times.  Pick any one of those losses and you do not come within a country mile of what happened today.

This has completely surpassed App State level of loss.

This most definitely has to sting.

Can you win another game this season?  Maybe…. but, we’ve seen the teams coaching… Maybe not…

Cheers,

Lenny

A Jets fan filming what will only become famous in Jets history, The last play in Sunday’s game where The Jets beat the Patriots.  You see a lot of grown men cheering and having a good time and then about halfway through this clip you’ll hear everyone get real quiet as the last play happens.  Then man love breaks out in the stands.

We observed week 2 of the NFL season.  Here’s the valuable lessons learned.

The Jets beat the Patriots.  I’m not making that up.  It’s the first time in 8 years that the Jets beat the Patriots at home (well the Jets play in Giants Stadium… I guess its home… I dunno).  The city of New York celebrated the epic win by bathing the top of the Empire State building with a green colored light.  We knew that Rex Ryan had a plan.  We talked about this earlier in the week.  Check out what I said about Rex Ryan.

The Patriots are no longer one of the Elite teams in the NFL.  America is happy, very happy.

Bears beat the Steelers in Soldier Field.  Parts of Chicago feel happiness.  The rest of the city wishes the Cubs were still in the playoff hunt.  Steelers kicker Jeff Reed looked sick on the sidelines as he watched Bear kicker Robbie Gould kick the winning field goal.  Jeff missed two kicks today.  The good people of Pittsburgh would like a shot at kicking him today.

Matt Ryan of the Atlanta Falcons will reign supreme in Atlanta for a long time.  “Matty Ice” as he has been nicknamed by teammates, has a unique skill set that will be able to take Atlanta far into the playoffs this year and for many years to come.  Can they bring back the “Dirty Bird” when they score touchdowns?  That ruled back in the day.

Detroit still hasn’t won a game in over a season.  Matt Stafford looks a lot like Peyton Manning circa his first year in Indianapolis.  Flashes of brilliance with a bunch of interceptions and losses.  Can Detroit turn around the massive amounts of failure and damage that Matt Millen inflicted on the Lions?  Check out this guy, here is his “Post game” thoughts on his Lions after today’s big loss to the Minnesota Vikings.

Meet Brett Favre, game manager.  I like this Favre better than the “gunslinger”.  With weapons like Adrian Peterson and Percy Harvin he really has no excuses to make silly mistakes.  Plus Favre’s success kills Packers fans.  It’s fun to watch them squirm, whine and complain.

The Cincinnati Bengals and Buffalo Bills won!  Seriously.  The Bengals had the tougher road as they had to beat the Green Bay Packers.  Buffalo played Tampa Bay.  Tampa Bay needs to rebuild badly.  They have Kellen Winslow.  That’s about all you would want to keep on that team.

The Cardinals bounced back from last weeks loss to wallop the Jaguars, 37-17.  The Jaguars will draft Tim Tebow in the first round in next year’s NFL draft if the ownership would like to stay in Jacksonville.  Do I have to remind you that all of the Jaguars home games are blacked out because they haven’t sold out one of the teams eight home games?  Poor David Garrard isn’t going to know what hit him.  He is a great player among many underachieving players.  A change of scenery might do David good.  Tampa Bay anyone?

Jake Delhomme had a bounce back game.  25 completions for 308 yards, one touchdown and one interception.  However, the Panthers still lost to the Atlanta Falcons.  Maybe a change of scenery will do Jake good.  Tampa Bay anyone?

San Francisco’s offensive can be summed up in two words, Frank Gore.  16 rushes for 207 yards.  Two touchdowns.  It was like playing Madden on the beginner setting.

Matt Hasselback left the game with a rib injury before the half as the Seahawks went down pretty easy after that to the San Francisco 49′ers Gore’s.

Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saint used the Philadelphia Eagles as a doormat today.  I think the Eagles liked it.  Check the highlights…

The Texans beat the Titans.  Lots of offense, whoo-hoo!  The Titans are 0-2.

Who would have thought that the Denver Broncos would be 2-0?  With all of the change and drama they have had in this past off season is pretty amazing.  However, the Broncos beat the Bengals and Browns.  We’re not talking about stellar teams here.  Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels hasn’t had a real test yet.  We took a few shots at Josh’s witty and abrasive style on the blog.  We’ll have to readdress Broncos head coach after he beats a strong team.

The Redskins/Rams game was so overwhelmingly bad that it’s not worth talking about except to tell you that the Redskins won.

In a similar story, The Raiders beat the Chiefs.  People who dress up as Star Wars characters are happy this week.

Phillip Rivers threw for 436 yards today!  Fantasy football WIN!  However, the Chargers lost to the Baltimore Ravens.  Reality FAIL!

The Baltimore Ravens are the team to beat in the AFC North.  Ray Lewis still has mad skills.

Have you heard what they call the new Dallas Cowboys stadium?  Giants Stadium South.  Big win for the G-Men.  A devastating, historical loss for Jerry Jones and his Cowboys team in the new 2 billion dollar stadium that opened its doors to 100,000+ people last night.

Bonus stupidity:  Totally unrealated to week 2 NFL action check out Jake Delhomme and Steve Smith in a commercial.

A commercial with Jake only…

and finally a commercial with Jake and Charlie Daniels.

I’m not sure what to say either…

Lane Kiffin did not come through on his promise to and I’ll paraphrase here, “beat Florida and sing ‘Rocky Top’ all night long.”

It would be easy to say that Lane, “came close” or, “came up short.”  Florida didn’t score 61 points, its a victory!  Alas, twas not to be yesterday as Florida beat Lane Kiffin’s Tennessee Volunteers 23 – 13.

23-13.  In what can only be described as Tim “The Chosen One” Tebow’s worst outing in recent memory.  At least a year and he was still able to lead his Gators past Lane’s Volunteers.

Last night and surely into this morning, the Volunteers nation swallows sadness and pain.

What about Lane’s promise?  Fail.

Shall the Volunteers fan base be singing tonight?  Nay.  They shall not be singing tonight.

Who did Lane let down today?

Fans, the college and former players.  Former players like one time Tennessee Volunteers quarterback and now Super Bowl Champion for your Indianapolis Colts Peyton Manning.

Look deeply into Peyton Manning’s eyes. Aren’t they dreamy? Peyton Manning’s bionic eyes viewed sadness and pain yesterday and I have to think he was not happy. Look at Lane.  For the love of all that is sacred man, you were a NFL coach.  Stop looking like a wide eyed fan.  Why aren’t you wearing the team color?  Peyton sees no issues in this and he already graduated!  Did I just say that Peyton Manning has dreamy eyes?  Wait… What?

Sure you can say it was close.  Sure you could say that Lane had a pretty solid game plan.  Sure you can say that if they played 6 quarters instead of 4 Lane might have even won this game.  Sure you can say that the Gators nation had to change its diaper multiple times during the game. However, we all know that at the end of the day, a win is a win is a win is a win.  Urban Meyer’s Florida Gators beat Lane Kiffin’s Tennessee Volunteers.

Lane did not come through on his promise.  Lane Kiffin killed Christmas.

It’s true love! I just hope that these two kids can make it in this crazy mixed up world. So much is against them… Good luck guys!

You can take the man out of Half Baked but you can’t take the man out of being Half Baked and wanting a slice of delicious pizza.  Don’t ever hold pizza away from Jim Breuer.

So great.  They should make this clip the actual Pizza Hut commercial.